Social Confidence That Lasts All Day? That IS The Aim.
This blog post shows you how I’m getting remarkably close to achieving this elusive state — where you feel social confidence all day long. More importantly, you’ll learn the 4 keys I teach my clients so that they, and now YOU, can experience the consistency of core social confidence in any environment.
If you’re like me, you have certain “standards,” you want to live by at all times. For example, do you want to…
Be able to approach anyone? At any venue? At any time? Do you desire the freedom to express yourself confidently at all times? If so, you’re like me. I desired this for YEARS…
It took me a long time, and tons of frustration, before I reached this elusive goal. Today, I feel completely socially confident. It’s not because I get “perfect results,” either. Nope. Girls still “reject” me. I still stutter my words sometimes. Things happen. In fact, it’s learning to separate results from confidence that has made the biggest impact of all.
But let’s shift the focus back to you. After learning the 4 keys I reveal below, you’ll have a massive advantage, too. You’ll feel more socially comfortable everywhere you are, which I believe, is the ultimate goal. I believe confidence in social situations comes from being comfortable socializing with anyone, anywhere, anytime.
Let’s dive into how you can make this your new reality. But Before We Dive In…
First, as a primer to the 4 main keys we reveal in the in-depth masterclass, let’s discuss the myth of “getting in state.” I believe aiming to do so is a huge mistake.
Don’t aim to “get in state.”
You’re not a battery. You’re a human being. Instead, I urge you to focus on two simple things… One, simply get yourself feeling comfortable in your skin. And two, aim to be social. Doing so will get you “in-state” or “in the zone.”
Feeling comfortable + being social naturally puts you “in-state” or “in the zone.”
This approach reverse engineers the outcome you desire – 24/7 social confidence and the results that come with it – without you having to come off as a “try hard” while you run your mouth foolishly in an attempt to “get in state.”
This comfortable + social approach is far more natural than viewing yourself as a “battery” that needs to be “zapped into state” before you can successfully perform a social endeavor…
This mental shift is paramount to your success as a man. When you stop trying to “arrive” at some elusive state, and you focus on the simple things (comfortable + social)…
You’ll realize that indeed, you’ve already (and naturally) arrived. And this is exactly what you want.
When you’re comfortable and social, people naturally feel far more comfortable around you than they would if you were sticking to 2007 pickup advice that tells you to create 27 poor social interactions in order to “get in state” and begin creating good outcomes.
That all said.. Here are the 4 main keys for creating 24/7 social confidence – where you feel comfortable and social…
1. Let go of your ego’s desire to be perfect.
It’s okay to be a dork, let go and embrace imperfection.
You will make mistakes. You will stutter your words. And you will do these things even after you put years and years of dedicated focus towards improving your social skills – like I have.
There is no such thing as true perfection.
The sooner you embrace this, and the sooner you find joy in occasionally making a dork out of yourself, the quicker you’ll realize that it’s actually quite easy to feel socially confident at virtually all times.
At it’s core, when you truly let go of your ego’s desire for perfection, you cannot be hurt! No matter what happens, you adapt. You’re like water. Fluid, malleable, yet powerful.
If you mess up, make a mistake, or look like a dork, you make the most of the moment by laughing at the humor and learning the lesson.
And in doing so, you ensure you can turn whatever happens into an experience that provides you with both happiness and utility for future success.
Of course, this is easier said than done. But it can be done. This skill set, where you let go of your ego and turn any situation into a useful one, is immensely valuable.
Getting good at this wont only serve you socially, but also professionally and personally.
You’ll be happier, more confident, and more composed at all times, especially when things get stressful, when you let go of your ego’s unrealistic desire for perfection.
And as a side benefit, this newfound state of calmness that comes when you have nothing to protect actually lets you focus on what you truly intend to do, thus improving your ability to perform at your peak.
I cannot stress enough how important it is to let go of your ego’s desire for perfection if you truly desire 24/7 social confidence.
2. Get in the Game and Take Massive Action
You’ve heard this one before if you’ve consumed more than 10 minutes of personal development content in your life. This is for a reason. Action breeds confidence. It’s especially crucial for building your social confidence.
And in a minute, you’ll learn how to take massive action without letting your motivation waiver. But first, let’s talk about WHY it’s sooooo important that you take action.
But why? Why is it so important that you take massive action if you want social confidence?
Firstly, taking massive action will swiftly destroy your delusion as to how people “should” respond to you. (Almost everyone who hasn’t taken massive action socially is deluded as to what it takes to get results).
You’ll realize that social interactions tend to be messy, complicated, and imperfect. Taking massive action thus will give you more confidence because you’ll get thicker skin.
But even more importantly, taking massive action puts you in a position to skyrocket your results – whether those results be in the realm of sales, partnerships, growing your network, getting dates, or getting yo sexy time on…
Taking action also forces you to learn new things and adjust your social game. Put simply: Action is the ultimate teacher. And while you take action, build a social circle along the way. This an extra bonus tip to help you create success that’s leveraged in your favor! Grab contact information, connection with guys and gals on social media, and then, nurture those relationships!
Your network is your most valuable resource you’ll ever have socially. This is true whether your chief aim is professional, social, or romantic. Who you know always trumps what you know.
3. Validate Yourself so that You Can Take Consistent Action
Create a positive feedback loop. This is absolutely crucial. Validating yourself is THE WAY you maintain motivation to continue taking action so that you can accrue results and learn along the way.
The reason so many men struggle to make more sales calls, approach more women, or go to more networking events is this: they go out once or twice, get mediocre results, and then…
They feel like shit because of those mediocre results. They judge themselves. (Because they’re aiming for perfection, and not progress). And then, the quietly give up. What a shame!
Especially when all that you need to do to combat this negative downward spiral is create a SIMPLE upwards spiral by validating yourself. Validating yourself ensures you stay upbeat and motivated to take more action!
In only 2-steps, you can master your motivation and ensure you take massive action (and thus achieve epic results).
Here’s how you do it…
You take action, and then, you validate yourself with positive self talk. Next, you take action again, followed by more positive self validation. Then, you take action yet again, and follow that up with more positive self validating positive self talk — where you tell yourself, “Nice job, way to take action! Do it again.”
Are you noticing a pattern? Here is what this 2-step positive feedback loop looks like…
You act. You validate yourself. And the cycle continues. Over and over again. And over. And over again! No matter what you’re specifically trying to achieve in the social world!
Whether you’re approaching women, building your network by going out and socializing, or making sales calls… Use this simple 2-step act-validate feedback loop. Take control of your motivation and your development by making it simple on yourself.
4. Increase your ‘fuck it meter’ by 20%.
This is the most controversial of the 4-keys I mandate. But stick with me here. It’s also the most powerful, especially when you’ve embraced and implemented keys one through three.
This idea is also deeply rooted in the tenants of the psychological, anthropological, and evolutionary science. But first, what is a “fuck it meter”?
Of course, this is not a scientific term. It’s a phrase I’ve created after working with lots of gents after seeing how they respond to social obstacles time and time again.
Your “fuck it meter” is essentially the amount of concern you put into your overall social interactions and the results your interactions deliver you.
As you’ve likely experienced, most guys (I was one of them) care wayyyy to much about what people think about them. Side note: If you care way too much about what people think, watch this powerful 60 second video, and then continue…
Again, most guys simply care too much about each individual outcome they derived (or didn’t derive) from a social interaction. This intense concern messes with your ability to stay upbeat, relaxed, calm, and confident. It’s why I encourage you to practice the art of giving 20-25% less fucks.
Giving 20-25% less fucks is extremely effective in moving you closer to complete and total social confidence that lasts all day long.
It’ll immediately help you slow your rate of speech, listen more attentively, and feel more composed. Giving yourself this gift is a pleasant reminder that “Hey, no matter what happens, all will be OK.”
Which is precisely the reminder you need to get that initial momentum and create more, and more consistent, social confidence. In fact, I believe creating a new habitual way of thinking where you care 20-25% less, or give 20-25% less fucks, is the ultimate key to creating 24/7 social confidence.
The science backs me up here.
We know that social anxiety largely comes from an over-active amygdala – which is the fear based part of your brain. Unfortunately, because the human species evolved from the dangerous plains and Savannah’s of Africa, human beings are evolved to be anxious and uncomfortable.
This chronic nervousness kept our ancestors on edge, and thus, they were able to survive the dangerous environments of Africa and successfully migrate to the other continents, thus giving life to you and I, as you can see below…
The days of fighting off saber tooth cats are over! Thankfully! No longer is it advantageous for us to experience chronic nervousness and fear.
However, your brain hasn’t received the update.
You are NOT an iPhone. Considering human beings living between 60 and 100 years, evolution is slow as molasses! The update isn’t going to come naturally within your lifetime or even the lifetime of your great-great grandchildren most likely!
Hence, the reason why increasing your “FUCK IT METER” is so effective. As I explain in the 60-second video below, this is the update your brain needs in order for you to feel 24/7 social confidence.
To be clear, Your Brain NEEDS an Update: Turn Up Your Fuck It Meter!
Without a doubt, if you want to be more comfortable and confident everywhere you go socially, you need to let go of the need for perfection and replace it with a relaxed, “whatever happens, happens,” attitude.
You may not resonate with my “increase your fuck it meter” paradigm as far as it’s explicit language is concerned.
But from a very deep psychological, anthropological, and evolutionary standpoint, it’s crucial you find a way to “care less” in your day to day social life. But how?
Below are the two simplest ways I advocate for increasing your fuck it meter:
First, when you feel uncomfortable or want to “let go,” shake your body and your face like a rag doll for about 3-5 seconds. This will surely loosen you up. Literally just shake yourself about life you’re a dead fish. While this “looks” weird on the outside, it WILL make you feel more at ease. Go to the bathroom to do this exercise if you’re embarrassed, or if you’re in an environment where such “shenanigans” aren’t tolerable. The second way to increase your “fuck it” meter is to push your comfort zones more regularly — especially when you are NOT fully prepared. For example, GO approach the girl — when you don’t know what to say! Or, if an impromptu opportunity arises — where you have a chance to make a sale? Seize it!
Consistently doing so will increase your overall social confidence. And as a side benefit, you’ll realize that no matter what happens, and no matter how scared you were before you took that bold action, everything turned out okay.
This commitment to regularly pushing my comfort zones has helped me evolve from a chronically anxious young man into a gent who feels almost non-stop, all day long, 24/7 social confidence.
There it is man…
The Social Confidence 101 Masterclass
Now, I have a question for you, my masculine friend…
What are your takeaways? Do you have any questions or opinions? Drop a comment below. I read every one of em.
To your peak,
Transform Your Confidence -- Guaranteed
Approach women with confidence. Create abundance. You’ll discover how here. Learn the #1 secret to approach women confidently…
I’ll never forget back when my knees would jiggle-like-jello when I’d “try” to talk to a cute woman. So, I went on a mission: to build up my confidence.